‘In times of loneliness’
Good morning,
Back in December I was browsing the stalls at a farmers’ market on the aptly-named Market Street when I was struck by the song a busker began. In a determined bid to avoid the Christmas bonhomie, he sang Please please please let me get what I want. There are a number of candidates for the loneliest song by The Smiths, but that must have a good shout. I threw a pound into the busker’s open guitar case, admiring his unseasonal downbeatness. Here is the original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3qPMe_cCJk And the lyrics:
Good time for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time
The song could be about more than loneliness, but it has an ache and longing to it that seems to get to heart of feeling lonely. I sometimes think that all the things we say are the last taboo (sex, death, etc) are in fact talked about fairly freely, but loneliness really does seem taboo. As Douglas Coupland said, “Forget or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room.” And I think he’s right. Students and staff share all sorts of things with me, and over the years I’ve learned that most plots in soap operas have their roots in real life, but I recognise how much courage it takes for someone to say to me, “I’m lonely.” It’s hard enough in Freshers’ Week when everyone’s trying their best to seem at home; it’s even harder in the established years of a degree or a career, and friends or love haven’t come.
I know that some people are feeling particularly lonely at the moment. If living alone, they may usually be largely content with solitude, but at the moment wouldn’t mind a break, the odd visit to or from a friend, an occasional embrace, a sense of being part of a partnership.
Others are finding being part of a household to be a lonely place, unable to find space from others, having to share a roof, a sofa, a bathroom, a bed. The atmosphere may not be easy. Germaine Greer describes one way this can be difficult: Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate. (Propinquity – I looked it up. It’s like proximity, but sounds more positive, as if the closeness should be good, but isn’t.)
People are reacting to the lockdown in countless ways. And there is no right and wrong about how we react. Some are (secretly or not so secretly) enjoying it. But others are finding loneliness deepen. If that is you, I hope you can live with the loneliness, and find ways to cope. The lockdown will pass, and though there is no end-date, an end-date will come.
Student Services would be glad to hear from any student who would like to talk through loneliness (or any issue). See https://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/students/advice/counselling/#d.en.1486095
Contact them at [email protected] or 01334 462020.
Or students and staff could approach the Chaplaincy team including Sam or me, regardless of faith, cultural tradition or philosophy of life. See https://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/chaplaincy/team/ or reply to me. We’re happy to chat.
Music somewhat different from eighties indie is being offered later today:
Virtual lunchtime concert by George Cherry and Matthew McIlree (Music Centre piano scholars), premieres at 1300
Two of the University’s best student pianists perform a varied programme including music by Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Debussy, Goedicke, jazz by Luca Sestak and Fats Waller and a virtual duet by Francis Poulenc! (Matthew McIlree is also a Campbell Waterson Organ Scholar.)
And here is the invitation for tomorrow evening’s service Compline at 9 pm, a reflective service of spoken prayer, singing by members of St Leonard’s Chapel Choir, a meditative ending of the day. Perhaps it may help someone feeling lonely to sense they are part of a community.
Donald MacEwan is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Compline Online
Time: May 7, 2020 09:00 PM London
Join Zoom Meeting
https://zoom.us/j/96161119371?pwd=WDFSK0t4QWZzRXJSamkxZ1FsT3E3Zz09
Meeting ID: 961 6111 9371
Password: 2w6iM2
Yours,
Donald.