‘Reach out, share, heal’
Dear Friends
Welcome to Monday’s Companionship Email.
Last week was Mental Health Awareness Week with the emphasis on ‘being kind’. It is one thing to be kind to others, but the hard part is to be kind to yourself.
Over these difficult days, weeks and months, all of us have been impacted by the trauma of this pandemic and all of us at some time have not been ‘okay’. If you need to hear this today please remember, ‘it is okay not to be okay’. I know that talking about our mental health is scary and deeply intrusive. However, if more of us who have experienced poor mental health speak about those experiences, the more it will become part of our everyday normal lives. So, here is my story.
Twenty-two years ago, I knew that I couldn’t pretend that I was ‘okay’ anymore the night my husband caught me sellotaping a dummy to our 9-week-old daughter’s mouth.
To be fair, Robina hadn’t slept for more than two hours in a row since her birth and I was a little bit tired. But it was more than that. I knew it, my husband knew it, and, in some strange way, I think Robina knew it as well.
I wasn’t okay, I was very far from okay. Sure, my home was spotless, my daughter clean, fed and happy as was my husband and dog. I was up, dressed, make-up done and hair coiffed, every darn day. The Health Visitor was happy, the mums in the baby group seemed to be coping so I pretended to cope too.
The thing about postnatal depression is that it is known as the ‘Smiling’ Depression. On the outside, the world saw a new mum delighting in her healthy, much wanted baby. On the inside, I was screaming in my head. All the time.
I watched the other new mums in the baby class as to how they interacted with their little darlings and I copied them. But I wasn’t sleeping and the only thing I really ate was Terrys Chocolate Oranges. And I ate them like you eat an apple. About six times a day. Cost me a fortune.
I cleaned everything, all the time. Over and over and over. The minute my husband came home I handed Robina to him and took our westie out for two-hour walks in order to score my fix of chocolate oranges and to plan my escape. I was leaving this perfect life with my perfect child and my perfect husband, go home to Guernsey where I would take all my prescribed tablets and end the numbness.
And then Dummygate. That was the night it all changed. The next day my husband took me to the doctors. I went in and said, very matter of fact, that I thought I was a little depressed. My doctor, bless her, said, “No, Mrs Ferguson, I think you are very depressed”. The floodgates opened and I wasn’t numb anymore.
That was the day I started my long journey to accepting that I was ill, accepting that I couldn’t cope and that I needed help. And I was so blessed to receive the most wonderful support through my doctor, my Community Psychiatric nurse, my psychiatrist, my friends, family and RAF Chaplain.
And slowly, over the next two years, I learned to love my daughter, to forgive myself and to give myself the time my body, mind and soul need to recover. I was fortunate, but I know how easy it is to hide feeling ‘not okay’ every waking moment and how exhausting carrying that can be. And I learnt that ‘it is okay not to be okay’.
There is help for you if today you are not feeling okay. There is help for you tomorrow, next week and next month if these feelings carry on. You are not alone and do not have to face this alone. Please reach out to the Samaritans, Student Services, Occupational Health, your GP or the Chaplaincy and take that first step to being okay again. We are here to listen and to help.
It really is okay not to be okay.
Samaritans – https://www.samaritans.org/scotland/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Student Health Hub – 01334 465777
Student Services – [email protected]
Breathing Space – http://www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk
Chaplaincy – [email protected]
Chaplains – Donald: [email protected] or Sam: [email protected]
Evening Prayer
This week for our Evening Prayers, we continue with the ‘Thy Kingdom Come’ prayer movement until this coming Sunday for Pentecost. Here is the link for you:
https://www.thykingdomcome.global/
Over the past two months, we have continued weekly with our prayers and have provided you with a wealth of resources to help you pray. I thought it would be helpful to have all those resources in one place for you to reference over the summer:
Scottish Episcopal Church
https://www.scotland.anglican.org/prayer/evening-prayer-monday-25-may-2020/
Church of England
https://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-and-worship/join-us-in-daily-prayer/evening-prayer-contemporary-monday-25-may-2020
Iona Community
https://iona.org.uk/
Taizé Community
https://www.taize.fr/en_article5806.html
Church of Ireland
https://www.ireland.anglican.org/prayer-worship
Pray as you Go
https://pray-as-you-go.org/
Remember, if you wish a person or situation to be included in our daily prayers and don’t have the energy or words to pray during this time of trauma, please email me or Donald and we will include you in our prayers. All of those who have asked for prayer over the past weeks continue to be part of our daily intercessions.
And lastly from your Crafty Assistant Chaplain…
‘Crafting is the best medicine…’
We have been exploring the wonderful world of crafting over the past few weeks and I thought that you would like to see what some of our fellow Companionship Crafters have been up to during this time!
Knitted Baby Yodas, Easter Chicks, Prayer Shawls, Pebble Snakes and Grumpy old Wimen, you have all been very busy and inspired!
Thank you for all your wonderful creations and please Carry On Crafting over the summer.
Be blessed, be a blessing and Happy Crafting!
Samantha