6 December 2024
All across Europe, especially the German-speaking world and the Low Countries, children have woken up today to see if St Nicholas has put goodies into the boots they left outside their door. For many years I conducted a St Nicholas’ Day Service for St Leonards School, and learned some of the songs which many pupils had known from childhood. This one has stayed in the memory.
Laßt uns froh und munter sein
und uns recht von Herzen freun!
Lustig, lustig, tralalalala!
Bald ist Nikolausabend da,
bald ist Nikolausabend da!
If you are far from home, and missing family, I hope that singing this song in your head will bring you the happiness of this joyful day.
And now to our Advent Calendar Story
Feathers
Part 6
The story so far: Maryam wasn’t sure who she could share her news with.
Maryam walked into the Asc on North Street hoping she wouldn’t recognise anyone else there. But there were no other students in sight, just a friendly bearded face behind the counter. Within ten minutes, after she said it was an emergency, he had introduced her to a wellbeing adviser, who led her to a small room, bare but for a small bunch of flowers on a low table between two comfy-looking chairs.
“Hi Maryam, good to see you. I’m Robin. How can I help you?” Her voice was smooth, alto rather than soprano, almost cooing like a dove.
Maryam sat on the edge of her chair, looking at the flowers, and spoke just above a whisper, “I can’t quite believe I’m saying this – I’m going to have a baby.”
“Right, okay, tell me a little bit more. How do you know this?”
Maryam mentioned the missed period and the pregnancy kits. She even fished out both the sticks to show Robin.
“Okay – and how are you feeling, I mean, physically?”
“I’m fine,” said Mayam, who realised she really was feeling well. “I just wondered what I’m meant to do.”
Robin encouraged her to see her doctor to have it confirmed, then asked, “So, who else knows about this?”
“Nobody, really, just the guy in the library. I know I’ll need to tell my parents but I can’t really face that, they’re not going to be happy. And I haven’t told any friends yet: I don’t know how they’ll take it, or if they’ll still want to be friends with me.”
“The guy in the library? Is he the father?”
“Well, maybe, or at least he knows who it is.”
Robin let a beat pass, then, “I take it you weren’t trying to get pregnant.”
“Oh, no, I mean we weren’t even having sex.”
Robin’s eyes widened just a touch, and her voice slowed further, “Right. So, how do you think you’ve become pregnant?”
“That’s the thing. It seems to have happened in the library when I was on Instagram.” And Maryam laid out to Robin the gist of her encounter with the guy in the white shirt on her screen, and her acceptance followed by doubts until the tests two days before.
“Okay, thanks for sharing your story – I can see it’s taken courage for you to tell it to me. Tell me, are you on any medication?”
“No.”
“Any issues with your mental health?”
“Not really, I mean everyone’s anxious about deadlines – oh!” and she looked at Robin, “you think I’m crazy.”
“Well, no, but people don’t usually become pregnant by social media. Are you sure this really happened?”
“It happened. It must have happened that way. I know it sounds mad, but I don’t think this is mental illness. Everything else feels normal.”
Robin let that sit for a minute. She took a sip of water, smiled at Maryam, and said, “Maybe it would be good to hear a little bit about your upbringing, maybe the sex education you had back home.”
Maryam bristled at this, “I know the birds and the bees perfectly well. It cannot be my boyfriend, and I am not the kind of girl to go sleeping around. This is just a new fact in the facts of life. And it’s happening to me.”
Robin let Maryam’s firm voice die away before saying, “I’m sorry, it’s just I’m not often surprised by students any more. Let’s think about your options. That’s more important than what’s led to today. What would you like to do?”
This was the question which had brought Maryam to Student Services. She was apprehensive of thinking through the consequences of the growing child within her. It felt overwhelming. She took a breath, sat back in her chair and decided she would trust Robin to guide her.
“I want to have the baby.”
“Okay. I’m sure you know it will mean a massive change to your life. Have you considered any other options?”
Maryam had wondered about little else. Could she go ahead, aged 19, so far from home, and bring a helpless child into the world? She knew abortions took place, and wouldn’t think any friends were wrong who chose that route. An auntie once hinted to her that she’d taken that step herself. She looked at Robin’s kind face, haloed in short grey hair, her eyes open, expectant.
“Yes, I’ve thought about stopping it, or giving it away, but I can’t do it. I’ve been chosen to have this baby, and to be his mother. I’ve said yes, even if it messes with my degree.”
Here Robin smiled, “Well Maryam, that’s one thing I can help you with. Let’s think about when you could take leave of absence and then come back to finish your studies. You’ll have some amazing pictures on your graduation day. We can talk about who’ll be supporting you, family, friends, Student Services. So, how about telling your boyfriend?”
Today’s picture is not from Liguria in Italy, but I took it en route in the principality of Monaco, a short train journey from the border with Italy.
Ludovico Brea, Altarpiece of St Nicholas, 1500, Cathedral of Our Lady Immaculate, Monaco
Yours,
Donald.
Revd Dr Donald MacEwan
Chaplain